Got a lot of mileage out of this in high school when mp3 players had just kicked off.

False alarm, it was equipment picking up the cheers from when they thought Dale Earnhardt was back.

They trigger a special gag reflex you didn’t know was there

Good advice, I was flagged at my university for not being up to date with immunizations and I thought it was a mistake. Nope — they needed another MMR for this exact reason.

Only took two tries to guess “BigBalls1488”

I thought the joke was always that he’d get the numbers to 8,008,135

Meanwhile, in the White House:

“President Trump I need you to buy $50 billion in Walmart gift cards but do not redeem them, this is important for our trade deal”

Same here. Phone stays in my pockets and I can do all my timers, alarms, calculator, and reminders to leave for appointments. Especially useful while cooking.

I think of Trump more in terms of this Hunter S. Thompson quote about Nixon:

He neither drinks nor smokes, they say, and bars make him nervous. Humphrey Bogart would have taken a dim view of Nixon. It was Bogart who said, “You can’t trust a man who doesn’t drink.” And it was Raoul Duke who said, “I’d never buy a used car from Nixon unless he was drunk.”

Yeah there was a minute where my urologist’s office — against their will, I am sure — had big-ass screens on the walls of exam rooms and they were brighter than the sun. They were gone within a month.

“Folks, have you heard this? There’s this big, gorgeous EP, they call it In a Beautiful Place Out In The Country. The Woke Democrats say it samples a Branch Davidian recruitment tape, but I don’t know folks…”

Free markets? In this economy?

The verification is the Harvard sweatshirt you wear to the interview.

Tried that, doesn’t work

“You barely piece of suck-ass car.”

Cat party? It’s all about Dog Party now.

Thanks Obama

Good news, you’re not alone! I have a terminal degree and have been unemployed for even longer. It’s rough out there. You are doing literally everything I’ve been told across several years. Do NOT go back for a MA and put yourself in debt just to get the letters — this is not a good time for higher education.

Direct apply is the best advice I can give. If you find a listing on a job board, go to the company itself for the application. Everyone has a different opinion on how to do a résumé and cover letter, and I think the more input you can get the better. Have some more basic text ones you can feed into the applicant tracking systems (the newfangled trendy ones with your picture and skill percentages will get bounced.) Also see if there’s a local “young professionals” group through your chamber of commerce for more networking.

I really do wish you the best. It sounds like you already have a lot of good stuff going on.

There’s two types of holocaust deniers, as described to me by a holocaust studies professor:

1. The stupid ones. People who dismiss it as fake because numbers don’t add up, it just didn’t happen, there was a coverup, whatever bullshit.

2. The scary ones. The holocaust didn’t happen because they didn’t finish the job.

It used to be mostly the former, but as time goes on, the line is less distinct as we see a resurgence in hate groups more extreme than the last. So imagine the two combining into a version of “it didn’t happen because some got away.”

Side note: if you want an extraordinarily dark and depressing read, Klee, Dressen, and Riess’s The Good Old Days pulls together reports, correspondence, postcards etc from Nazis detailing some of the worst atrocities, and they just wrote some of this shit back to their families. That book haunts me.

Fucking lol, love it