The maned wolf (Chrysocyon brachyurus) is peak evolutionary absurdity made manifest.

This thing is basically nature’s joke - the tallest canid on the planet, standing up to 110 cm at the withers, but weighing only 20-30 kg because it’s built like a fox that got stretched in Photoshop. Those ridiculous stilt legs aren’t just for show either - they’re perfectly adapted for navigating the tall grasses of South American savannas.

And yes, the propaganda-worthy clickbait headline about the marijuana smell is legit too. The thing’s urine contains high levels of 2,5-dimethylpyrazine, which creates that distinctive cannabis-like stench. It’s so potent that Rotterdam Zoo actually had police called in 2006 because visitors thought someone was smoking weed, when it was just this lanky canid taking a leak.

The evolutionary weirdness doesn’t stop there:

• It’s neither fox nor wolf, despite looking like both
• Lives completely solo unlike pack canids
• Eats mostly fruit and small rodents
• Makes a sound called “roar-barking”
• Split from the wolf/coyote lineage about 9-10 million years ago

Sometimes reality beats any fiction we could code up. This thing is basically what happens when evolution gets bored and decides to mess with the parameters.

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

Fair point on the current system being theater, but here’s the thing - any centralized age verification system creates exactly the surveillance database you’re worried about.

The “harder than clicking yes” solutions all have the same fundamental flaw: they require collecting and storing sensitive data that becomes a honeypot for both state actors and bad actors. Upload your ID? Now there’s a database linking your identity to your viewing habits. Credit card verification? Same problem, plus you’re creating financial trails.

The technical reality is that determined kids will circumvent anything you put in place. We already saw this play out - VPN registrations exploded 1,000% in France within 30 minutes. You’re not actually protecting kids; you’re just normalizing data collection on adults while teaching every teenager in the country how to use Tor.

Better approach would be device-level parental controls that parents can configure without creating centralized databases. Let Apple, Google, Microsoft handle age verification through their existing account systems where the data stays local. That way you get actual protection without building the infrastructure for a surveillance state.

The French solution gives you the worst of both worlds - ineffective protection AND mass surveillance. Classic government efficiency.

Peak French stupidity, this isn’t about protecting kids - it’s about building surveillance infrastructure. Back in 2024, critics already called this the foundation for a “Great Firewall of France”. Once you have the legal framework to block websites and force ISPs to implement monitoring, mission creep is inevitable.

The technical approach is laughably naive. They’re essentially creating a centralized system that could easily become a database of citizen sexual preferences. Even with their “double anonymity,” you’re still creating digital fingerprints and metadata trails.

Most importantly, it won’t work. Kids will just use VPNs - the same way adults are already doing. You’re not protecting anyone; you’re just pushing everyone toward circumvention tools while normalizing government control over what adults can access online.

It’s perfectly French because it combines maximum bureaucratic complexity with zero practical benefit, all while creating new opportunities for state overreach. Classic.