I remember paper money. In my country there was a period of transition from paper to plastic money where both were valid forms. I had a similar thought. I made some old paper money on a normal printer, but I found an excellent material to use for the woven shiny ribbon. I gave the counterfeit notes to my friends at school for a laugh and they used it to buy things from the dairy and tuck shop (school cafeteria).

Actually worked surprisingly well, until the glue used to join the two sides failed. One note pulled apart and the tuck shop owner noticed while cashing up. The police came around to my house but we placated them with muffins. It turns out someone had tried flushing a bunch of notes down the school toilet and the police tried to retrieve the money from inside the plumbing system.

Fun times. I was about 11 years old. Had no idea of the seriousness of what I was doing. Cops found it pretty funny, but I remember they were still very concerned about the notes spreading into circulation.

Iffy algorithms

Did you even say thank you?

Jokes on them, I only read Luigi articles to fawn over the pictures

I would prefer Satan at this point. At least he’d deliver executive orders by beaming the evil thoughts directly into your head. It’d be so much better than having to visit twitter or truth social.

Maybe sacrificing people to appease the sun god never stopped, and the aptly named illuminati organize a new war every time the sun looks angry

Great idea. We need moth propaganda posters printed ASAP: “Scared you’ll die in the sun? Fear not. Form a Dyson sphere instead.”

Desalinated saline

Finally… A socially acceptable place for my dog to take a dump when I’m out walking him

These are also great for when you’re up to your third divorce and looking for ways to streamline the process

Suqma ballgowns

Obviously fake. Do they really expect us to believe the streetlamps are turned on despite the fact it’s a sunny day? Couldn’t be more obvious

Exactly. Joining ice is the easiest way to show the world you’re antisocial, racist and have zero emotional intelligence. These people wouldn’t know empathy if it slapped someone else across the face

Man… I remember when CCleaner was called CrapCleaner. Feels like a fever dream

Babe Ruth + Billy Ellish = Baby English

“Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.”

This guy fucks.

A robot voice would be great, then he could be muted. Hopefully he dies before mind uploads become a thing. If not, at least the storage costs would be low.