About four years before the divorce, her best friend got pregnant. It was my wife’s dream to have kids, and instead of accepting her best friend’s gift as a miracle for her, she let jealousy get the best of her and lashed out at nearly everyone we knew.

It changed my idea of who she was and how she was, and it changed her. Yeah, we tried nearly everything, but she just plain couldn’t have kids. I was tested multiple times, so was she, over and over again. Why us, why me, why, god, why.

Our marriage kind of hit this hopeless wall. We had a step on the stairs that we couldn’t reach. As a result of her actions during her friend’s pregnancy, a lot of bad shade got thrown her way online and towards me from her, for sticking up for her friend.

well… buddy.

I know, but I can’t lie about that, even to her. It was complete and total bullshit for her to hold bad feelings against her best friend for the simple fact that my wife couldn’t get pregnant and she could and she never even once came close to any sort of apology or even a glitter of remorse.

While this is the original tidal wave that started everything, things degraded from there to us never even being intimate, to remembering the pregnancy attempt days as almost like having sex because it was mandatory, not due to choice and it even broke our attraction to each other.

Two people with 15 years of memories, half good, half regretful and no physical connection whatsoever due to the trauma and bad blood and no one budging an inch on their point of view, the only direction things had to go was down.

I don’t want other people tied up in my feelings for her. I’ve had two dates in the six months, and yeah, plenty of flirting but it’s mostly talk and I don’t go much further. There’s still shit keeping me from accepting someone else.

I told my cousin I’d hold off on dating until I had more to offer another person other than misery.

By my family for the most part, and anyone else I’ve talked to regarding divorce, as if it’s so matter-of-fact.

I mean I get the idea. If we are absent from eachother’s lives, the separation will be that much easier and less like slowly ripping off a band aid.

I’m not surprised, “bro”. I fully expected to be a miserable pile of shit. I’m in a divorce from 15 years of marriage.

I hope this place burns to the ground

“Dad! Don’t say that! What if it actually happened!?”