There is this girl I like, she knows I would like to go on a date with her someday. She isn’t sure what she wants at the moment. That’s all fine but I genuinely begin to develop feelings for her. And I just don’t really care all that much for a friendship anymore. It screws with my psyche, it’s like only being allowed to smell a fine wine instead of drinking it. (bad analogy, but fuck it)

I’ve had enough. I just want to tell her I don’t like seeing her on just a friendship level any more. And if she doesn’t see me as a romantic partner, which is totally A-okay fine with me, but it will mean I’m walking away from this friendship all together. At the same time I don’t want to force her to make a decision (she sometimes has trouble saying no). And here’s the real son of a gun, she is highly suicidal and takes endings of friendship badly (as she herself has said).

So does anyone have any advice to spare here? Yes, I’m a terrible person so think of it for her sake. Because the friendship is going to end, one way or the other.

  • Apepollo11@lemmy.world
    222·
    2 days ago

    I want to be sympathetic but alarm bells are ringing with the immediate juxtaposition of “that’s all fine but I genuinely begin to develop feelings for her” and “I just don’t really care all that much for a friendship”.

    If the issue was that it’s painful to be around her until you can work the feelings out, then that wouldn’t be half as bad as saying that she’s not worth keeping as a friend if you can’t date her.

    • Fat Tony@lemm.eeOP
      76·
      2 days ago

      “that’s all fine but I genuinely begin to develop feelings for her” and “I just don’t really care all that much for a friendship”.

      Okay I may have not worded it very well there. What I mean is that I don’t want to be in this “friendzone” any more. I really don’t and I don’t see myself being happy remaining as such.

      • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
        114·
        2 days ago

        So, if she won’t give herself to you, you can stop wasting your time on her and find someone else to hang around and obsess over?

        I recognize this behavior, because I used to do it. Spoiler: it doesn’t work.

        Go meet more people, stop treating women differently from men, and remember: getting laid won’t happen until you stop forcing it.

        • Fat Tony@lemm.eeOP
          39·
          2 days ago

          I don’t think it’s wise to treat people you’re romantically interested the exact same you would any other person. That’s how I got into this mess, to be honest. I actually feel like if I were more upfront about it I now wouldn’t have made this post here.

          stop treating women differently from men

          True and I never have otherwise. But you should absolutely treat people you like differently, at least in the way of what you want with them.